Friday, December 17, 2010

This was a new day

This was an odd day for me. For most of the day I felt like I was watching the day unfold from a distance. I think I have been in denial as my most fervent hope was that I would be bringing my husband home, but that was not to be. Kelly and I looked at a few SNF programs and Quail Creek Skilled Nursing Facility stood out for the atmosphere, personnel and it's therapy program. The problem I am having is that in the end, the decision was mine. He is fragile right now and has essentially turned his fate over to me. So I suppose this disconnect I have felt all day is about that but also about my own feelings about this kind of thing. How could I in good conscience put him in what is essentially a wing in a nursing home when in reality I have always known that I do not want to be in that position myself. it doesn't matter how wonderful the facility is, I hate it that he is there instead of at home.

The new therapists seem nice and competent and so he should improve. However, the first group, Dave, Nicole, Neale,etc are a hard act to follow and we will miss them. They cared!

If Dales name is on Santa's list it will come up under naughty as well as nice. He is a tease as well as a loving husband and father. All he wants for Christmas is to come home. So, our Christmas will not go back into the box until he does come home. Heck, I know people who's tree's are still up in March because every day life continues and life is too busy. So ours will see the spring for the love we share.

Merry Christmas to all of you.


Meredith said...

You do what you need to do. No need to explain. Keep the darn tree up for as long as you do. We are all here right behind you with love. A big hug

Sarah Jane said...

You have had to make the decision none of us would want to have to do and I feel so much for you. The tree is just a symbol; your love and concern are more important and you have that in buckets. This is the care your husband needs and you are able to selflessly give it to him. A big hug from me too.

PamKittyMorning said...

Just want you to know I'm thinking of you Nadine. xopam

Anonymous said...

I love you and Dad. I do. ~Kelly

Anonymous said...

On the harder days - this place may well look like a wing of a nursing home. But it is also a wing with the NEXT program to getting stronger and relearning life skills is going to happen. It is going to be a lot of work for the patient.... and a lot of forbodence with encouragement for the "suport" (you). Know we out here in Blog land are supporting you. Huggs said...

Even if you would never choose to be in such a place, please know that you are making all of the right decisions for Dale. If you were not, he would not be there where he can receive the care and therapy and help he needs. It is not always easy to do the right thing, as you know. Dale knows you are doing the very best you possibly can.
Christmas Hugs to you.

Purple Pam said...

Dear Nadine:

I am so sorry that a decision had to be made. Rest assured you made the right decision. I know that you want Dale home, and he soon will be. Keep that thought in mind.

Hugs - Pam

Helen said...


Just popped over after reading Kelly's blog.

Lots of loving thoughts to you all right now, and I hope he keeps on steadily improving.


Margaret said...

Nadine, I am wishing you all the best for the coming New Year. Thanks for keeping us posted about your husband's progress. You have two wonderful children. About the tree--I have two miniature Christmas trees I keep up all year.